I seem to be coming back here when I am ultra down or frustrated. I wish I can blog about the happy things but it seems like I can never do that. I don't know why.
I guess there are some people I owe an apology to in the past few weeks. If you feel you are, I am sorry. But today, I guess, goes down as one of those days I will remember. Remember for the 'crime' and inconsideration that I have once again committed. I know even when this day is over, I will have flashbacks of the moment in class today, when I told someone we should not do 'A' and we should do 'B' but in the end I myself did 'A'.
You know how somethings are not in our control and you have to change your decisions. And when it is, some people get 'left out', hurt or abandon. I hate groupings. I really wished I could do my best to ensure what people want. Yes, I know that is impossible and its childish to do so. But if you know me, you probably know what I will do to ensure you get your choice.
But the past few weeks, I really don't know anymore. I am slammed with tough decisions, a serious lack of time for myself, suffering from guilt and a lot more. I want to make everyone happy but I have too much on my plate. All around me has been disappointed faces and I really wish I could help. I really don't know who I am anymore. All I do is remain silent and suffer, sometimes alone.
I am seriously sorry A**** T***. I know I have been unfair and inconsiderate. I know you probably will go like "its ok", "there is nothing that can be done to improve it" or even maybe, "Leon you bitch". I don't know how you feel but believe me, I really wanted everything to go smoothly. But I can't. I tried but its was to no avail. I know I let you down for not doing my best.
If you ever do read this, in this life, I owe you one favor. Just ask me anything, I will do my best to keep to fulfill it. I am not asking for forgiveness but maybe, in a 'lame' way to some, a chance to forgive myself.
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