Home: Mixed feelings

Definitions of a Home are often contested. Without a doubt, different people have different ideals and ideas of Home. Recently my definition of Home has changed. I can feel/sense that for myself.

I stay in Lorong Ah Soo. At least my NRIC reports that. Yet, recently, most of the time, I stay, live and sleep over in school. Home becomes a place with mixed feelings.

I go home twice a week. On Tuesdays and Saturdays. I use to think that home is a place I would run to if I had problems or when I went I needed to see my parents and siblings. But that has changed.

I went home on Friday this week. Yet, when I was back home, I wasn't at peace. I kept thinking about my ISM and Assignments. I can't finish up work at home because I would fidget around, fiddle with my things and waste my time lazying in my room. I could only used my time efficiently to study when I am in School.

This weekend I didn't want to stay at home. I constantly wanted to go back to school. I hate that feeling. That feeling where you want to finish your work yet you know you cannot accomplish within the place you are in.

I decided to return to school on Saturday evening. I felt I had to run away from home. Run away from the place I would usually run to. That is the change. Because of my assignments, home becomes a place which I voluntary run away from. I hate my assignment based lifestyle. I hope my family members understand. I miss them but I cannot afford time with them because the assignments are 'destroying' me slowly.

I wished I haven't been too grumpy.
I wished I could relax at home soon.
I wished my home would be the place I run to. Again.
I know this would end soon. Hopefully.

Good Morning. My bedroom view.
An everyday picture of Hope.