Multiple Stab wounds

I think all human beings get hurt in the heart somewhere in their live. I got hurt the most last week, on the 6th of Aug.

It was suppose to be one of the happiest days in my life; I finally received the MOE Teaching Award. But as I was sitting there with my award, I felt kinda lost ... because back then when we were together, I wanted this award a lot more so I could give her a better life in the future, especially after her dad's death and how she told me all the empty promises her dad gave. I really wanted to do well in life, so I could give her what she wanted. This award lifted that pressure... but she isn't here beside me anymore.

Feeling lost, I decided to sms her what I felt. But in the end over the phone, I was put down by her words many time; I was given multiple stab wounds and there I laid, disappointed from all rejection there was at that moment but I still held on to the hope of being together.

The worst was, she didn't believe that I broke up because I believed she would be happier without me cause I would only tied her down. She believed I had my own agendas. I felt very hurt by that because... I never felt she misunderstood me so much. I think generally I try to place everyone I cared for in front of me... including her.

I survive the attack... I am still here. Though there is a lot of doubt in me... I still hold on to the fine strands of hope. My friends ask me to move on ... but I know what my heart wants. And no matter what wounds I receive... I think they can only be healed when I receive forgiveness from her... which without, I doubt I can move on...

For now I wish there would be less hurt and anger in the world around her. I know she isn't having the best of times... I just can hope she is able to get good rest and less stress from work. On my part... I believe withdrawing is the best I can offer her...