I needed some help and a lot of luck ... well amazingly it came

Yesterday, I almost couldn't have gotten through the night... I don't know why but something amazingly happened...

It all started during work at Big O. Working at Big O is not only physically straining ... its mentally painful as well. Because when ever I work there, I will think of her; when we were together ... I kept msging her to 'kill' time and complain. But now she is gone, I just can't help but thought of how nice she was to see me through those moments and be supportive of my lifestyle.

After work, I headed down to Marina Square to meet my little niece for dinner... as I pass by The Cathay, I saw the 'Meet Jay Chou at The Cathay' event, which made me think about her even more. The killer came when we were buying dinner... everywhere was Jay Chou's songs... I don't hate Jay Chou... its just that they remind me of Mish and her singing...

I was dead tired and my heart was breaking, piece by piece ... I could actually feel it. I didn't wanted to go home ... so I wandered around the neighborhood, smoking my time away... I was actually so upset ... I sms Selena to tell her: "I think I need a lot of luck to get through the night..."

I continued sitting at the playground smoking till I force myself to see that whatever is done is past and decided that it was pointless to just try to run away from it ... important thing is she is happy this way and it is the best because in our separate ways, we can seek to be individuals we want to be ... that made me feel a bit better and I proceeded home... but in my heart I know... I was just lying to make myself feel better.

When I reached home, I almost got caught red handed for smoking by my dad due to the over whelming smoke scent... thanks to my crappy excuses I got away... that was it ... I really thought my day the most unlucky and painful day in many weeks... but... what happens next ... I still don't know how to explain it to myself... honestly I am stunned....

Feeling that I won't have any luck seeing Mish online... I actually did see her upon signing in... and after a 'Hello Mish' we msg each other for an hour... that was the longest since we broke up... and in a less 'argumentative' manner, I manage to tell her my feelings... even though the conversation was far from perfect .... at least we talk like human beings and friends... that brightened my day a lot... and it was amazing ... because I believe someone, something or some unknown force heard my calls at the playground... I can't even explain who... or maybe it was just fate ...

I believe that the world isn't fair but I also believe when you believe or hope for something and have faith in it ... things just happen... I decided to leave my future with Mish to fate... I don't know if it is the right thing to do... but I know it seems to be the best ... after all she doesn't get too irritated with me and I don't wander too far into depression... but I guess there is a point I have to step in and tell her my feelings... this I will let fate decide then. No matter what... I thank you Mish... for giving me a ray of light in a stormy day. No one is able to do it the way you clear away the storm in my life.